Quotes

Slashdot

So on a scale of usefulness from "necessary for human survival" to "would rather have my balls in a vise", it scores about a "meh" -- Cheesetrap

"I picked Linux for the same reason I chose to study computer science: money, women, power" -- Sedyn on slashdot

"Achtung! You vill sit in ze CHAIR ven you read my book, NOT ON ZE COUCH!!!" -Anonymous Coward

Man, when the day comes, count me in with the robot smashers. -- Anonymous Coward

"Anyway, inside the toilet, under 12 years worth of grime is the stamp I've been looking for: American Standard, made in Guatemala. WTF? AMERICAN STANDARD. GUATE-FUCKING-MALA. MOTHER FUCKING SHIT I'M GONNA AMERICAN STANDARD YOUR ASS." -- Em Emalb
"No one has ever said on their deathbed: 'If I had to do it all over again,  I would spend more time at work'." -- Tom Paulco

Telis project

Gert: "Chuck Norris united Germany."

Leon: "If you put 1 in this sequence field, the answer will be 1. If you put 2, the answer will be 2."
Pavel: "Unbelievable!"

Ed: "We need helium. We don't bother working without it. In fact, we're addicted to helium."

Ed: "In theory, nothing works and we know why. In practice, it works and we don't know why."
Pavel: "Yeah and we're working in between: in practice, it doesn't work and we don't know why."

Ed: "It doesn't matter what choice you make, you have to change it afterwards."

Pavel: "If you want to see God laugh, try making a plan."

SRON

Tiemen (while coding in C): "I added a star and now it works!"

Tiemen (while coding in C): "What would i+++j do? And ++i+++j?"

Ed: "Sommige dingen kun je niet weten. Al denken sommige mensen van wel."

Pieter: "Dat moet lineairder worden."

Tiemen: "Soms heb je puch -- euh, pech -- en dan zit je beffer vol. Ik bedoel buffer."

Pieter: "Dat kan niet. Dat staat in onze handleiding."
Rob: "... Wie leest nou de handleiding?"

Tiemen: "Eigenlijk zijn wij de kunstenaars van de 21e eeuw."
Bart: "..."
Martin: "..."
Tiemen: "Nou dan niet! IK WEL!!"

General IT

"Vaak denk ik, ik heb het nu in de vingers. Achteraf blijkt dat een illusie."

"Use coffee: do stupid things faster"

"Merging conflicts by hand can be quite intimidating the first time you attempt it, but with a little practice, it can become as easy as falling off a bike." -- Subversion manual

Paul Wesselius: "Please point out any errors in this presentation. But don't overdo it."

Mark: "When you have a requirement of which you don't yet know what the resulting changes are, you have some fuzziness."
Stuart: "Which is nice when you're stroking a kitten!"

"Information Wants to Be Free." -- Stewart Brand
"Information wants to be tied up and spanked..." -- Faulty Dreamer on kuro5hin.org
"Information wants a fueled plane at the hangar and no one gets hurt" -- anonymous

"Executive Summary. You think you want a stable kernel interface, but you really do not, and you don't even know it." -- Greg Kroah-Hartman

 /* If you listen carefully, you can actually hear this code suck. */
 -- iptables source

"It's not the size of the key, it's the implementation of the algorithm..." -- Natasha Smith

"I'll let you in on a secret: my pet hamster did all the coding. I was just a
channel, a `front' if you will, in my pet's grand plan. So, don't blame me if
there are bugs. Blame the cute, furry one." -- 'Rusty' Russel

Lost & Found

"He craned over the handwritten recipe he'd been given by Lister. It was Lister's own concoction. Shammy Kebab's Diablo, which he once claimed proudly had put Peterson in the medical unit for over a week. But surely there was some mistake? The amount of chilli peppers called for could have launched a three-stage deep space probe from Houston control to the outer reaches of the galaxy. This wasn't a shammy kebab, this was a thermo-nuclear device!" -- Red Dwarf

"I like my women like I like my tea: green" -- aminorex

"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -- Isaac Asimov

Toby's Roadkill BBQ Café: You kill it, we grill it

US Robotics support: "Describe problem. Be specific. (You may enter up to 254 characters.)"

Sometimes when you look into his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. -- David Letterman

"I want to die in my sleep peacefully, like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like his passengers."

007: "Who are you?"
Pussy: "My name is Pussy Galore."
007: "I must be dreaming..."

As she lay there dozing next beside me, a voice inside my head kept saying "Relax... you're not the first doctor who's ever slept with one of his patients," but another voice kept reminding me, "Howard, you're a veterinarian."

"Dance like you're hurt, Love like you need money, and work when somebody's watching."

"That's how I discovered that punk rock cures everything." -- BottleRocket

IRC

(09:56:14) Bart: you guys do celsius or fahrenheit?
(09:56:27) Gurdev: Celsius please
(09:56:32) Gurdev: we are not mad

(16:10:49) Gurdev: that's cool man. how do u feel going back to C after java?
(16:12:06) Gurdev: isn't it like leaving the confines of heaven and entering hell? isn't it?

(10:30:11) Bart: hey, we're gonna start this secret brotherhood
(10:30:18) Bart: We'll call everything "bitch"
(10:30:29) Gurdev Parmar: You Bitcha!

Dutch

Ik sta stevig in mijn schoenen, maar mijn veters zitten wel eens los.

De hand aan de ploeg en de blik vooruit.

Door de mist wordt elke meter van de weg zichtbaar.

"De komkommertijd komt steeds eerder. Dat komt door het broeikas-effect." -- tiemens

Ik pak m'n brommer en ik ga.