Engineer humor

After every flight, the pilot fills a form to tell the engineer which problems or deviations he encountered during flight, and which repairs or corrections are necessary.

The engineer then reads the problem and fills in the lower half of the form, indicating which action or correction has taken place. The pilot reviews the form before the next flight.

Never say that engineers don't have a sense of humor!! Below a summary archived maintenance complaints and problems, and the solution as described by the engineers.

P = Problem as stated by the pilot
S = Solution and action by engineer

P: The tire of the left innerwheel almost needs replacement.
S: The tire of the left innerwheel mostly replaced.

P: Testflight OK, except the automatic landing system did a rough landing.
S: Automatic landing system is not installed on this plane.

P: Something in the cockpit is not secured tightly.
S: Something in the cockpit secured tightly.

P: Dead insects on the windscreen.
S: Live insects have been ordered.

P: Automatic pilot does not maintain height and sometimes drops up to 300ft.
S: Can't reproduce problem on ground.

P: Signs of leakage on right landing gear.
S: Signs removed.

P: DME volume incredibly high.
S: DME volume put on more credible level.

P: Friction locks keep the gas throttle open.
S: That's why they're in there

P: IFF doesn't work.
S: IFF never works in the OFF mode.

P: Motor no. 3 lost.
S: After a short search, motor no. 3 found on right wing.

P: Plane behaves funny.
S: Warned plane to fly straight and behave seriously.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Target radar programmed with nice songs

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Installed cat.

P: Noise behind instrument panel. Sounds like dwarf with hammer.
S: Took hammer from dwarf.